camping aint for sissies
by tsunami8
Summary: our favorite friends and enemies get kicked out of their homes and into the wilderness! how will they ever survive?
1. an idea

"It was the best of times. It was the worst of times," thought professor X..  
  
"more like the worst of times in this case," he muttered out loud. Summer  
  
break had started for all of our merry mutants about a week ago, but already  
  
there were some whines and complaints of boredom. "several years of this  
  
Charles, you'd think you would have come up with a summer plan by this  
  
time," he scolded himself. *Ororo, Logan, Hank, please come to my office * he called. Maybe they have some ideas....  
  
A few minutes later, all three of the teachers came in. "Ororo, Hank, Logan,  
  
do any of you have any ideas on what we could do with the students?"  
  
asked the professer  
  
. "we thought you'd never ask," grinned Logan. "we, (he indicated himself,  
  
ororo, and hank) have already come up with a plan." Hank lavishly  
  
presented the professor with a camping brochure.  
  
"camping?  
  
" "yes." Said ororo. "all the students could go together as sort of  
  
a...survival training adventure. We'll give them minimum supplies and  
  
from there they'll have to make it on there own."  
  
"hm...a survival expedition...but somethings missing..." said  
  
charles.  
  
"Oh yay," said Logan in that happy/evil sounding voice of his. "We decided  
  
to kidnap the brotherhood and drag them along as well."  
  
"They might get some real bonging time together!" said Hank, almost  
  
pleadingly.  
  
"Your brilliant! Charles finally exclaimed. "no brotherhood, no students, just  
  
me, you guys, the tv, a couple of bottles of beer, some cuban cigars..."  
  
As Charles continued to ramble on, Ororo Hank, and Logan quietly left the  
  
room.  
  
"I think the idea of an empty house has gone to his head." Growled Logan.  
  
"Naw, he's just really happy" said Ororo.  
  
"We better get packing and kidnap the brotherhood soon if we want them  
  
gone by tomorrow morning," Hank reminded them.  
  
"We didn't tell Chuck that we were kidnapping the brotherhood, did we?"  
  
inquired Logan.  
  
"No, we sort of.forget to tell him?"  
  
"Oh...right."  
  
"Now, Ororo you get the essential supplies. I'll get the the non-perishable  
  
food, and Logan you get the beer and party hats. Any questions?" asked  
  
Hank.  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Nada."  
  
"Right, TALLY HO!" 


	2. preperations

Yay! Reviews! Reviews Reviews Reviews Reviews Reviews Reviews Reviews Reviews Reviews Reviews Reviews Reviews Reviews Reviews WHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEE splat (how'd that wall get there?) For a first story, any reviews are great ( keep them, good or bad, and any spare ideas coming!  
  
Disclaimer: no own, no sue, lets be merry not be blue(  
  
The next morning, 5:00 a.m.  
  
Hank and Ororo were in the hanger, packing up the remaining supplies before dragging..oh oops I mean TRANSPORTING the brotherhood and x-men to there camping grounds.somewhere in Canada. "Tents?" said Hank. "check." "Gear?" "Check." "Some emergency food?" "Check." "Tranquilizer darts and guns in case of resistance?" "Check," grinned Ororo. Suddenly the both heard scuffling sounds and muttered cursing. "Dang idiots! Don't know how to stay still when they know I'm going to shot them." Logan suddenly appeared, dragging behind him Wanda, Pietro, Freddy (don't ask me how), Todd, and Lance. "Well you'd think they'd put up some resistance..." said Ororo. "How'd you get the speedy one?" inquired Hank. "Tried to jump me from behind but I spun around an shot him first." Growled Logan. "Well load them up in the jet, me and Hank already dragged the students in there. The tranquilizers only last for about a day or so, so we better get going." "How's Chuck doing?" "We got him drinking at four this morning, he should still be out for another couple of hours." grinned Hank. "Allrighty then, lets go!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "We are now flying over the Michigan border, look to left and see..water. Look to your right and see more..water. We are about 35,000 feet up on a clear summer day. We will be arriving in approximately 3 hours and 15 minutes. Have a nice day" "Why the hell does he do that every fifteen freakin' minutes?!" yelled Wanda. "Hank? Oh, he just enjoys pretending to be a real airplane pilot. You'll get used to it eventually." Shrugged Rouge. "ARGGGGHHHHHH I CAN'T TAKE THAT MUCH LONGER!!!!" Wanda screamed. "Will you shut up? Usually I love it when you get mad at the x- men but right now I'd rather bind you and through you out the escape door!" Pietro yelled back Suddenly a soda can whizzed by them. "Will you both, like, shut up? Some of us are like trying to sleep." Growled Kitty. "Hey don't tell my smoochykins to shut up! Take that fool beast!" Toad said as he heaved another soda can back at Kitty. "Why you...!!!" Kitty screamed as she lunged at toad, and started beating him up. "I wanna play!" Pietro grinned and socked Evan in the face. "You'll pay for that you road runner!" In less than a minute, the entire x-men and brotherhood were fighting. (not necessarily each other)  
  
"Hank can you go check on the kids?" said Ororo, she had caught Hank trying to turn on the intercom system again. "Fine." Hank opened the door, only to have a banana land on his shoulder. He quickly shut the door as another one started heading his way. "Yup, all fine."  
  
*Sorry that this chapter is reaaaaaaallllllly short but I have 3 exams in the next 3 days and I don't really feel like failing them. I'll try and update every night (or day) but my idea bank is kind of low, so any thoughts, figures, imaginations, comedy (especially that!) would be greatly appreciated.  
  
Cheers!  
  
Tsunami 


	3. touch down and the great beyond

More reviews! I feel so loved(  
  
Disclaimer: me no own, you no sue, lets be happy( not be blue(  
  
16 hours, 14 minutes, and 341 fights later.  
  
"Attention all passengers! We will be arriving shortly, please put your table thingies in the proper  
  
position disrecline your seat, and please observe the fasten your seat belt sign." Hank said.  
  
"Finally!" grumbled Wanda. "I can't take much more of this!"  
  
suddenly, the jet began to descend, and everyone's ears popped.  
  
"AHHHHHHH WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!!!" screamed Freddy.  
  
"Relax big guy, we're just landing" said Toad.  
  
"We're gonna die we're gonna die we're gonna die.." Whimpered Freddy  
  
"Ah, shut up you tub of lard!" said Rogue.  
  
Freddy curled up into a huge ball and continued whimpering.  
  
Suddenly there was a bump, and the x-jet came to a halt.  
  
"Please remain in your seats as the pilots complete the landing procedures." Said Hank.  
  
"Am I dead yet?" asked Freddy.  
  
"Yes, and the forest is your eternal hell." Replied Evan.  
  
"AHHHHHH!!!!!!!NOOOOOOOOOOO! I PROMISE TO BE GOOD! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE  
  
IT STTTTTTTOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!"  
  
"Someone smack him!" yelled Scout.  
  
"My pleasure.." Sam ran down the aisle of the x-jet and cannonball into Blob.  
  
"Hey don't hit me!" yelled Freddy. He grabbed Sam and threw him out the x-jet door, which had  
  
just opened.  
  
"AHHHHhhhh....."Sam yelled until he was to far away to hear.  
  
"One down, who will be next?" Logan cackled evilly over the intercom.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" screamed everyone else, as they ran out into the great beyond.  
  
*Sorry my chapters are really short, but I have an exam coming up and I really hafta study, unless I feel like failing history. (opens book) now the constitution was made in 1878..Wait! that's not right....* 


	4. nice shades!

Hey I'm back and ready to rumble! I had my exam (thank god) and I aced it! Whoohoo!!!!!!!!( I'm so happy((((((( Thanks to all my reviewers for your support, you made me twice as happy( And special thanks to todd fan for being my most frequent reviewer(  
  
Disclaimer: me no own, you no sue, lets be happy( not be blue(  
  
All our merry mutants just landed (in case you forgot)  
  
"AHHHHH!!!!!!" everyone was screaming and running around like a whole bunch of apes in a bar. Suddenly some bags and equipment came flying out of the jet and landed on Sam and knocked him out cold. Logan poked his head out of the x-jet window." Don't get yourselves killed, stay in this clearing, we'll be back in a week.." he yelled. The jet powered back up and flew off. "Well, there goes our only means of escape..." Muttered Toad. "NOOOO!!!!!!!! I'LL BE GOOO! I PROMISE! JUST DON'T KILL MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Freddy. "Any one have a clue as to where are we?" asked Scott. "As I said earlier.in Freddy's eternal hell." Evan said. "Anyone got anything more specific?" questioned Wanda. "Yea, we're in a clearing surrounded by really big trees and a couple of spiders." Said Rahne. "SPIDERS?! WHERE?!KILL THEM !!! SAVE ME!" Pietro screamed, and jumped into lances arms.  
  
"Oh shut up you big baby, I was just kidding" Rahne said. Every one snickered. "You know, the like do make a great like, couple." Laughed Kitty Lance immediately dropped Pietro ("ouch!") "Well I guess now we have to make a shelter, build a fire, unpack and see what we have, and search for a town." Said Jean. "Which one do we do first?" asked Rouge. "LOOK FOR A TOWN!" everyone screamed, and charged off in various directions. Except for princess Jean, who stayed at the campsite, making a fire, and pouting about being left out. Suddenly there was a *bamf * and Kurt appeared.  
  
"There's not a single town for miles!" he complained Then Pietro came running back.  
  
"There's only trees for several hundred miles and not a single flushable toilet!" he complained Then Sam woke up. "Who are you? Who am I? Where are we? Why is that guy blue? And how come there's no flushable toilets around here?" "Great.just what we need, amnesia boy to the rescue." Grumbled Scott. (He just came back) "Nice shades!" said Sam. Over the next hour or so, the rest of the mutants came back muttering about no flushable toilets, and moaning when they found out Sam had amnesia. The sun started to set.and the mutants where at least able to cook some instant soup for dinner without burning the forest down. "At least there's no bears around here." Kurt said the once-in-a- lifetime quietness. Suddenly they all heard a growl. "AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" everyone screamed and broke down crying.  
  
  
  
*Ok my chapters are really short. Sue me. I don't have all that many ideas so if you have any spare ones, Id be happy to borrow them for my next chapter( . Once again, thanks to all my reviewers! You make me feel all warm and tingly inside( 


	5. Do we have any baby Powder?

Reviewers how I love thee so? WHHEEE!!!! Nine reviews and counting( you love me.you really love me.sniff. Sorry I'm not able to update often, wild ideas are kinda hard to catch so I'll only update every other day or so.but please keep reading and reviewing!  
  
~*Do we have any baby powder? *~  
  
"Grunt!" a large grunt was heard and everyone was still blubbering like babies.  
  
Jean and Scott were clinging to each other, Kitty was wrapped up in a little ball on the ground  
  
sucking her thumb and rocking back and forth. Freddy and Toad both fainted. Wanda, Kurt,  
  
Lance, and Pietro were all screaming, and the new recruits were all huddled together crying  
  
for their mommies.  
  
Another loud grunt, and........a will boar came into their clearing.  
  
Everyone stopped and stared at it.  
  
"Well I'll be a monkey's uncle.." started Kurt.  
  
"You are a monkey's uncle!" snapped Pietro.  
  
The boar started back.  
  
It glared at them for about three seconds, then turned around and started heading back into the  
  
forest as if nothing had happened.  
  
"OH NO YOU DON'T!" roared Wanda. She zapped the boar with hex bolts (and everyone  
  
else in the area) until the boar keeled over, deader than a doornail.  
  
"No one."she panted.  
  
"No one scares me like that and gets away with it!" she yelled, then stomped over to the fire  
  
and sat down on a log.  
  
Everyone slowly backed away... except for Jean, who's hair got hit by a stray hex bolt and  
  
was a black smoldering mess.  
  
"My hair!" she cried, and ran into the forest.  
  
"Well at least miss goody two shoes is gone." Grumbled Rouge.  
  
"Jean! WAIT!"  
  
"And our team leader." Sighed Kitty.  
  
Then Sam wandered over." How did she (pointing at Wanda) do that?" he questioned.  
  
"You mean you still don't remember anything?" Evan said with and edge in his voice.  
  
"Nope, sorry!" said Sam happily.  
  
"I'm going to go hit myself with a loge..." muttered Rahne.  
  
"Me too" said Jubilee  
  
"And me" said Ray.  
  
"Me!" said Jamie.  
  
All the new recruits hurriedly scurried off. (Including Sam, who still had amnesia)  
  
"Try and find some toilet paper while you're at it!" Kurt yelled after them.  
  
"Wait..a ton of people just left into a pitch black forest with out any gear or food right?"  
  
asked Rouge.  
  
"Right." Said Evan.  
  
"Well let's go to sleep and hope they don't come back in the morning." Grumbled Lance.  
  
"Good idea." Grinned Kitty.  
  
"I gotta go to the bathroom!" whined Pietro.  
  
"Then go find some bushes!" every one yelled at him.  
  
"But there's no toilet paper!" "Well suck it up!"  
  
"Fine." Pietro grumbled and ran off.  
  
2 seconds later  
  
"Okay I'm back!" he yelled.  
  
"Darn" grumbled Wanda.  
  
"I found these nice green and reddish leaves that made good toilet paper." He grinned holding  
  
up and unused leaf.  
  
"Wait a minute....that's poison oak!" declared Kitty.  
  
Everyone cracked up laughing and didn't stop for a lonnng time.  
  
"Some one's gonna get a rash.. Do we have any baby powder?" gasped Wanda . "Nope!" howled Evan.  
  
Pietro stood there, fuming....the rash had already started and he couldn't sit down.  
  
But he wasn't about to tell the rest of the group that.  
Another chapter done. I still need idea's! I'll try and post another one in a day or so...but don't get your hopes up. 


	6. Wheres the bathroom?

MORE REVIEWS!!!!YAYAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you sooooooo much! I got lots of ideas now ( yes, trunks-girl I did use the whole leaf thing, only poison oak is big in my area, and more irritating so I changed it a bit thanks for the idea! I was thinking about them using tree bark but poisons leaves are better( Several of you also mentioned the acolytes dropping by.so I decided to include them in my next chapter:} this is gonna be fun..MWAHAHAHAHAHA  
  
Disclaimer: me no own, you no sue, lets be happy( not be blue(  
  
Oh, I forgot to say this before but in case you haven't noticed, I'm not doing any accents cuz I really suck at anything but an English accent lol.  
  
~*Where's the bathroom? *~  
  
The dawn broke (crash!)  
  
All the mutants (well the ones that didn't run into the forest last night) were sleeping around the dead campfire. Not even a few glowing coals were sticking around (they got scared). Everyone that got lost the night before were already heading back (they have a really good sense of direction), and then the birds woke.  
  
"CHIRP CHIRP!"  
  
"CAW! CAW! CAW!"  
  
"PECKPECKPECKPECKPECKPECK!"  
  
"SQWACK!"  
  
"SHUT UP YOU FREAKIN' ANIMALS!" roared Wanda.  
  
"Something wrong sweetdums?" mumbled Toad sleepily.  
  
"YEA! YOUR WORTHLESS EXSISTENCE ON THIS PLANET!" she screamed.  
  
"Shut up will ya? I'm trying to get my beauty sleep." Growled Pietro  
  
"You're so ugly nothing can help you now." Retorted Kurt.  
  
"I'm hungry," said Freddy  
  
" Big surprise there." Smirked Rouge. "ARGHHH!!!!!!!!! THAT'S IT! I'M LEAVING! I CAN'T STAND ANY OF YOU ANY  
  
LONGER!" howled Wanda, and ran into the woods.  
  
"What for me sugar!" cried Toad, and hopped after her.  
  
"What's like, eating her?" asked Kitty.  
  
"Food." moaned Freddy.  
  
"Will you shut up you walking bucket of lard!?" yelled Lance.  
  
"Your so meannnnnn!!!!!!" cried Freddy, and ran into the woods after Wanda and Toad.  
  
Then Pietro ran off....saying something about a bathroom..  
  
"Well since they left, we might as well go explore." Suggested Evan, who had finally woke  
  
up.  
  
"Okay." Said everyone that was left.  
  
"Hey Kitty, wanna walk over to that hill with me?" pointed Lance  
  
"Like, okay," giggled Kitty.  
  
"And then there were three.." Said Kurt.  
  
"Well, let's go!" exclaimed Evan  
  
"TALLEY HO!" the rest of the mutants crashed their way through the forest.  
  
Whirwhirwhirwhirwhirwhirwhirwhirwhirwhriwhirwhirwhirwhirwhirwhirwhirwhi rwhirwhir  
  
Suddenly, four silver bubbles appeared in the sky and landed gently on the now deserted  
  
Campsite.  
  
"Okay! Everybody out!" shouts Magneto  
  
"Do we hafta?" whined John "YES!" roared Magneto.  
  
Everyone reluctantly filed out, only to see their bubble thingies flying away and Magneto laughing hysterically.  
  
"He lost it.." Groaned Remy  
  
"Where's the bathroom?" Asked Piotr.  
  
"Pick a tree.and tree." Growled a voice behind them.  
Sorry I didn't post anything for a while, I got sick ( and I was working on a project that's gonna be almost half of my grade (yikes!) I'll try and get another chapter up before Friday, and please send more ideas! 


	7. A magnet freak, a professor, a weather w...

Umm. HI! Remember me? I was writing this story that you might have read....but I haven't updated for a while due to recent events in my sorry existence until today. Thanks to all my reviewers! You kept this story going. Well lets see....the acolytes had just arrived...hmm...this is going to be interesting MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! }: )  
  
Disclaimer: You know the drill...or you should...if you are gifted with a bad memory you may go to my past chapters and stare at it for as long as you like.  
  
~* A magnetic freak, a professor, a storm witch, and a wolverine walk into a bar and.*~  
  
"Pick a tree.and tree." Growled a voice behind them.  
  
The acolytes slowly turned around...and screamed louder than girls at a boy band concert.  
  
There stood Jean, a nearly bald with a few wisps of black hair jean, growling at them and holding Scott by the ear.  
  
"My god! Satan has returned from hell! Run for your lives!" John shrieked, then started dashing off into the woods.  
  
"OH NO YOU DON'T!" screamed Jean, and used her TK to stop him, pick him up, and hang him by his shirt in the nearest tree.  
  
"Whaaaaaaa! I want my mommy!" howled John.  
  
"Maybe if we stay really still and quiet, she won't notice us," whispered Piotr.  
  
"Right." Remy whispered back.  
  
They stood stiller than statues for about 3 seconds before Remy sneezed, and Jean finally stopped torturing John enough to look at them.  
  
"More people to play with!" she cackles evilly, then whips Scott in front of her and starts to take off his shades.  
  
"Tell Magneto he could have my stereo." Whispered Remy to Piotr.  
  
"Who said I'm going to be around to help?" he whispered back.  
  
"Right, hm..on the count of three, run to the right and into the woods ok?"  
  
"Ok."  
  
"One."  
  
"Two.  
  
Jean took aim and..  
  
"THREE! RUN FOR IT!"  
  
TSWEEEE!  
  
"Good lord, he missed me by and inch!" screamed Piotr.  
  
"Forget that! Keep on running!" Remy screamed back.  
  
After a few minutes they both stopped to catch their breath, when the heard a far cry  
  
"HELP ME!"  
  
"We forgot John!" they groaned, and collapsed on the forest floor.  
  
Florida  
  
It was about 2 o'clock in the afternoon, and Magneto, being the manic he suddenly became walked into a bar.  
  
And saw a certain bald dude in a wheel chair.  
  
"Hey Chuck! How you doin''?" asked Magneto  
  
"Not bad, with all those idiots gone from my mansion, life's been good." He grinned.  
  
"Mind if I join ya? I just dropped off my suckers off and I'm kinda thirsty."  
  
"Sure, have a beer! Logan darling can you get ol' Mags here a Beer?"  
  
"Sure *hick * Chuck, here *hick* Eric." Hiccupped Logan.  
  
"How long have you been here?" asked Magneto.  
  
"About three days, give or take a few." Giggled Ororo.  
  
"We should do this more often..." grinned Charles.  
  
"Yea, I bet we fought more than drank beer. Why do we fight anyway?" Asked Magneto.  
  
"Well the kids *hick* are bored *hick* and there's nothing *hick* else to *hick* do." Hiccupped Logan.  
  
"We should dump them into the woods more often!"  
  
"More often!" giggled Ororo.  
  
"So we could guzzle down more beer with out shame!"  
  
"Shame!"  
  
"And, *hick* do wheelies *hick* in Chucks wheelchair down the *hick* halls!"  
  
"Halls!" " To future wheelchair wheelies!"  
  
"CHEERS!" *clinked glasses*  
  
All four of them finished their beer, and passed out.  
  
"I can't believe it!" raged Wanda. "I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, with no food or water, and TOAD!  
  
"I'll take care of you sweetdums!" Toad said, sideling up to her.  
  
"OH NO YOU DON'T! " she screamed, and used her powers to stick him to the nearest tree with sharp little sticks.  
  
"That should hold you for a while," she said. Satisfied, she continued walking through the woods.  
  
"Mmmm...berries." Mumbled Fred, stuffing as many berries as he could into his mouth. In two minutes flat,  
  
all the berries where gone, and Fred was still hungry. "I will find more berries!" he cried, and trundled off  
  
deeper into the forest.  
* Sorry this is so late, I didn't want it to be late, but noooooo my stupid teachers decided to give twice as much homework, the coach twice as much practice, and my stupid computer breaks down! So now you know all my troubles, and you could hopefully find it deep within your kind hearts to forgive me (and review) so I could put up another chapter and make everyone happy( 


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